Good news. NOT.

Hey you! Yeah, you! The ones who voted no in my poll. The ones who thought I couldn't lose the weight. Yeah, you were right. I'm a fucking loser. No, I'm a gainer. Well, actually, I'm a maintainer (this is starting to sound like a Steve Miller song), but either way it sucks.

Sure, I was doing great on my marathon training. No problem with the activity, remember? I CAN'T STOP EATING.

And then I got the flu. When I got the flu I wasn't hungry, but I knew I needed to eat so I ate things that I thought sounded good. Like pizza and chocolate. They made my stomach hurt but they tasted good.

I'm going to research some body cleanses and try to redirect my thinking back to the ole "fueling my body" bullshit my mom talks about. It's not bullshit, but I'd rather eat Taco Bell. Like I just did.

Love,
Terri

Day off.

Fuck off.

No, but seriously, I really do believe in having one day a week where you don't worry so hard. That was today. I will tell you that I made the infamous Porkgasm. That is all.

Word to the Wise: Spam is not healthy.

Breakfast: Egg(beaters), piece of toast with two pieces of spam and provolone on them. It was my first time for spam. We didn't have any other protein in the house. It tasted good after I fried it, but it is not good for you. Coffee.

Lunch: A little chips and dip.

Dinner: Chinese buffet. There are a lot of vegetables on chinese buffets! I did not eat a lot of them. I love potstickers and crab rangoon. Dammit.

Willpower.

So, I just picked up the box of gourmet popcorn I bought for a piano student's Boy Scouts fundraiser and put it in the closet to save as a gift for someone else. Like, I'm not going to eat it. It's chocolate covered popcorn. My mouth is watering, but that is going to someone else. Bye bye fupa, you little bitch.

Oh! And in another feat over my will (and please note that my will is to eat bad things), I gave away the box of Girl Scout cookies someone gave me the other day, too. My favorite kind. I've got to stay away from the Scouts from here on out!

hahahahaha.

Wouldn't it be funny if I really WAS pregnant? Like that show on TLC.

no.

This day.

Coffee, coffee, coffee.

Run/walk/run.

Breakfast: Turkey, egg (beaters) and parmasan wrap. Holy shit that tasted good. Off to a good food start!

Lunch: Left over pasta from last night, one piece of bread with butter and some garlic salt on it. Bam!

Whoops: Chicken chalupa supreme with no lettuce or tomatoes, chicken quesadilla dipped in light sour cream. Diet Pepsi.

Well, today wasn't that bad! I'm going to drink some beers, but I'd say today (at least the first 2/3) was a success. Yay me!

11-18-09

Breakfast: Sugary cereal. 1% milk. *shrug*

9:15 snack: Broccoli cheese soup, biscuit. I wanted a beer, but decided that would make me an alcoholic.

Lunch: Turkey and Cheese Bagel, chips and dip, 1/2 of a reese's big cup*. I will never give up chips and dip. don't even try.

Snack: Popcorn. A lot of really buttery popcorn. Fuck.

Dinner: Whole wheat pasta w/a red sauce with ground turkey. Broccoli. Garlic Bread. Sounds somewhat sensible.

Something else: Probably a banana split. Crap...

*Okay, I ended up eating the whole god damn thing.

Okay.

I'm going to eat pizza and macaroni and cheese tonight. I'm justifying it by saying that all the walking and working out and crotch sweating I did today got my metabolism up.

I had a bad day.

So far, the eating thing hasn't changed. Can I start tomorrow?

What I did today.

For breakfast I had a pork loin sandwich with american cheese and some chips. See? The eating.

I ran/walked for 40 minutes. The treadmill said I burned 250 calories. Then I lifted weights and did some crunches on the ball. I could see my fupa bouncing up and down in the mirror. That motherfucker egged me on. My armpits were really sweaty and for the first time in my life (that i've ever noticed) my crotch was sweating! Is that normal? It was really embarassing.

Then I ate two girl scout cookies and this chicken/bacon/ranch/cheddar thing I made with egg noodles. FUCKING EATING!!!!

A little history.

My weight has always fluctuated, but I've never been this fat (except, of course, when I was pregnant). My mom is a fitness trainer and my sister weighs 100 pounds, but still has C cups. My brother is one of those guys with an out of control metabolism. So that only leaves my dad to blame, because I refuse to blame myself. Thanks, Dad.

One time I weighed 120 pounds, but I had a mean boyfriend who gave me low self-esteem so I didn't even get to enjoy it! Then I got pregnant and gained 70 pounds during my pregnancy. That was five years ago and I'm still fucking fat.

I have no problem working out. In fact, I love it. Besides, my dogs are fucking crazed if we don't get out there and exercise. It's the salad eating I can't get into. I'm a Wisconsinite. I love cheese and beer. And macaroni and cheese. And beer. Not light beer.

So I've decided to start this blog because I've tried a lot of other things and what could be more encouraging than not wanting to tell everyone on the internet that I fucked up and couldn't lose weight. Stay on my ass, friends.

I can't believe I'm going to post this next part.

I weight 170 pounds.

I want to weigh 130. I give myself 6 months. I'll keep you updated.

Love,
Terri