Wow.

I just read through all the old blogs I've written and realized how many times I've tried to lose weight and not succeeded. I knew it was a lot, but seeing the evidence in writing is really depressing. I'm trying again. I want this to be the actual time. I've been trying to make healthy choices for the last few months, but have given myself lots of room to cheat and of course haven't seen any results. A few factors have kicked me into overdrive:

1) The other day at Parker's school a little girl asked me if I am going to have a baby.
2) The back and forth, the losing of weight and then gaining more back more than I lost, is how people become super fat. I'm scared.
3) The support of my mother. She really laid things out for me and I have a good grip on what I need to do right now.

My mom has a bunch of great mantras. One that is getting me through right now is that one's weight depends on "10% genetics, 10% exercise and 80% what you eat". She also recommended I get really anal about healthy eating. When I come home from the grocery store I spend a lot of time cutting fruits and vegetables and packaging them in serving size packages. I love that shit. I feel like eating has become a game and I'm almost never hungry.

I have stopped eating at work (oh Curry Fried Rice, I miss you so much!). It's only been three days since I've stayed under my calories (about 1500) and I've been working out twice a day, but I feel confident that I can keep it up.

Another reason I am really motivated to get fit is my sister is getting married on July 16th and I would just die if I looked like I do now in the pictures. I intend to lose 20 pounds by then and 50 pounds when it's all said and done. When I hit my goal weight I'm totally going to dye my hair platinum blonde like ladies do when they lose a lot of weight.